


Ass-vengers Assemble

by Ellie_Elizabeth



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Amused Pepper, Bi-disaster Peter Parker, Bisexual Peter Parker, Concerned Tony, F/M, Parent Pepper Potts, Parent Tony Stark, Peter’s a little shit, Steve Rogers is confused, Texting, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Needs Sleep, everyone’s confused, peter parker needs sleep, supportive may, text fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2020-03-13 12:03:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 3,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18940543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellie_Elizabeth/pseuds/Ellie_Elizabeth
Summary: Sony Ttark: How are you feeling kid?Peter-Man: my brain is jello, and god is a four year old boy eating it with a forkPeeper: Do I even want to ask?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just an fyi, most of these are based off of real texts I’ve had with my friends. 
> 
> Enjoy!

* * *

_[Sony Ttark_ ]

_[2:37am]_

 

 **Peter-Man:** ASFSJFNSB NED PLEASE HELP IM TRYING TO FINISH THE ENGLISH PAPER DUE TOMORROW BUT I KEEP FORGETTING ENGLISH WORDS AND REPLACING THEM WITH THE NAMES OF ITALIAN PASTAS

 

 **Peter-Man:** IVE ALREADY CHUGGED LIKE FIVE RED BULLS HOPING IT WOULD HELP BUT NOW I CAN ONLY REMEMBER MY OLD WEBKINS PASSWORD AND THE COMBINATION TO MY 7TH GRADE GYM LOCKER

 

 **Sony Ttark:** Kid? What the hell are you still doing awake?

 

 **Peter-Man:** OH FUCK YOURE NOT NED

 

 **Sony Ttark:** Yeah no shit

 

 **Peter-Man:** IM SORRY MR STARK I HOPE I DIDNT WAKE YOU UP THOSE WERE MEANT TO GO TO NED

 

 **Sony Ttark:** Relax kid, I was just finishing up in the lab

 

 **Sony Ttark:** So do you want to tell me why you’re chugging Red Bull at 2am in the morning?

 

 **Peter-Man:** HHNNGG THERES THIS ENGLISH PAPER DUE TOMORROW AND I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT IT UP UNTIL LIKE AN HOUR AGO AND ITS WORTH LIKE 40 PERCENT OF MY GRADE AND I CANNOT FAIL IT

 

 **Peter-Man:** IM PRETTY SURE WE WERE SUPPOSE TO WRITE IT ABOUT THE REVOLUTIONARY WAR BUT IM JUST TRYING TO RECALL EVERYTHING I CAN FROM HAMILTON AND WINGING IT FROM THERE

 

 **Sony Ttark:** Jesus Christ kid you’re actually going to be the death of me

 

 **Sony Ttark:** Exactly how many energy drinks have you had?

 

 **Peter-Man:** IDK I STOPPED COUNTING AROUND THREE OR FOUR

 

 **Peter-Man:** ALSO IM PRETTY SURE MY HEART HAS COMPLETELY STOPPED BEATING

 

 **Peter-Man:** EITHER THAT OR ITS BEATING SO FAST THAT MY ENHANCED HEARING CANT PICK IT UP

 

 **Peter-Man:** BOTH SITUATIONS ARE MILDLY CONCERNING

 

 **Sony Ttark:** That’s it, I’m coming over there

 

 **Peter-Man:** NO NO N O NO NO MR STARK IM FINES ITS REALLY REALLY FINE

 

 **Peter-Man:** IM ONLY A LITTLE TWITCHY

 

 **Peter-Man:** AND WHEN I STAND UP I ONLY GET DIZZY FOR LIKE FIVE SECOND AND I HAVENT PASSED OUT

 

 **Peter-Man:** YET

 

 **Peter-Man:** YOUR LACK OF RESPONSE IS ALARMING

 

 **Peter-Man:** Oh shit WHATS THAT NOISE

  


_[Sony Ttark]_

_[6:57am]_

 

 **Sony Ttark:** You’re never allowed to have caffeine again

  
**Peter-Man:** ok thats fair


	2. Chapter 2

  _[Ass-vengers Assemble]_

_[10:47am]_

 

 **Peter-Man:** ok real question

 

 **Peter-Man:** if we covered an entire room in the same material thats used to make non-stick pans, would I be unable to climb the walls or is the culinary industry just filled with lies and deceit?

 

 **Freezer Pop:** Aren’t you supposed to be in school?

 

 **Peter-Man:** lmao yeah im hiding the bath room

 

 **Peter-Man:** now answer the question

 

 **Mama Spider:** By asking this you’re implying that you’ve never even tried to stick to a pan before

 

 **Mama Spider:**  Which frankly is kind of disappointing

 

 **Freezer Pop:** Please don’t encourage this Nat

 

 **Peter-Man:** I tried to once but May confiscated it before I could really do anything

 

 **Peter-Man:** apparently its the only good one we have for making omelets

 

 **Tin(Arm) Man:** Why are we sticking to cooking utensils again?

 

 **Peter-Man:** FOR SCIENCE

 

 **Sony Ttark:** For the love of god Pete go back to class

  


_[the spiderman fanclub]_

_[4:27pm]_

 

 **Peter-Man:** sometimes in our life we meet people who change us a little. whether it be for better or for worse.

 

 **Bichelle:**???

 

 **Nud:**???

 

 **IAmLiberian:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **Peter-Man:** an old man wearing a sombrero told me i was destined to great thing on my walk home from school today

 

 **Peter-Man:** then immediately after that he tried to steal my backpack and started barking like a dog when I kneed him in the gut

 

 _Bichelle changed Peter-Man’s name to_ **_Dog Whisperer_ **

 

 **Dog Whisperer:** bruh

 

 _Dog Whisperer changed Bichelle’s name to_ **_female dog_ **

 

 **female dog:** not cool dude

 

 **Dog Whisperer:** B)


	3. Chapter 3

_ [Bichelle] _

_ [2:34pm] _

 

**Peter-Man:** mj

 

**Peter-Man:** michelle 

 

**Peter-Man:** babe 

 

**Peter-Man:** the most beautiful woman to ever walk this planet 

 

**Peter-Man:** my eternal soulmate 

 

**Peter-Man:** the love of my life 

 

**Peter-Man:** pls respond

 

**Bichelle:** what did you do?

 

**Peter-Man:** …

 

**Bichelle:** peter

 

**Bichelle:** what happened you left practice like 20 minutes ago 

 

**Bichelle:** fess up 

 

**Peter-Man:** well you know that vending machine by the boys locker rooms? 

 

**Bichelle:** yeah 

 

**Peter-Man:** well i was on my way back when i passed it so i decided to get a snickers 

 

**Peter-Man:** but then on it’s way down it got stuck 

 

**Peter-Man:** so i thought it would be wise to try and grab it

 

**Peter-Man:** but now my hand is stuck 

 

**Peter-Man:** in 

 

**Peter-Man:** the vending machine 

 

**Peter-Man:** and i dont think i can get it out without breaking something 

 

**Bichelle:** jesus christ give me one minute 

 

**Bichelle:** i told harrington some bs excuse, now please dont break anything before i get there

 

**Peter-Man:** mj please hurry my hand is starting to go numb 

 

**Peter-Man:** a group of freshmen girls are judging me from across the hall 

 

**Peter-Man:** and I kind of have to pee

  
  


_ [Bichelle]  _

_ [3:23pm]  _

 

**Peter-Man:** i love you 

 

**Bichelle:** you better

  
  


_ [the spiderman fan club]  _

_ [4:34pm]  _

 

**Nud:** DUDE DID YOU ACTUALLY GET YOUR HAND STUCK IN A VENDING MACHINE??? 

 

**Peter-Man:** MJ YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDNT SAY ANYTHING 

 

**Bichelle:** wasn’t me 

 

**Bichelle:** that group of freshmen must have taken a picture 

 

**Nud:** _ [png.thevendingmachineincident]  _

 

**IAmLiberian:** lmfao only you parker 

 

**IAmLiberian:** why was your hand up a vending machine anyway? 

 

**Peter-Man:** because i had already paid for my snickers 

 

**Peter-Man:** SO I WAS GETTING MY FUCKING SNICKERS

 


	4. Chapter 4

_[Ass-vengers Assemble]_

_[12:56pm]_

 

 **Peter-Man:** umm m hello?

 

 **Freezer Pop:** What’s up kid?

 

 **Peter-Man:** ah heello mr america

 

 **Peter-Man:** I hav a situationn

 

 **Spider Mama:** Peter what’s wrong?

 

 **Peter-Man:** m bleedin a lot

 

 **Peter-Man:** its every were

 

 **Sony Ttark:** WHAT?

 

 **Freezer Pop:** WHAT

 

 **Sony Ttark:** STAY EXACTLY WHERE YOU ARE

 

 **Peter-Man:** dont worry mr  stark

 

 **Peter-Man:** i couldt move if I wantedd too

 

 **Peter-Man:** the building s holding me down

 

 **Sony Ttark:** YOURE UNDER A BUILDING?

 

 **Peter-Man:** mhm

 

 **Freezer Pop:** Peter what exactly happened?

 

 **Peter-Man:** umm i think there wa s a man wiht a crowbar and he hit me rlly hard

 

 **Peter-Man:** an my head rly hurts now

 

 **Mama Spider:** Where’s the blood coming from?

 

 **Peter-Man:** probbaly the stab wound in my chest

 

 **Freezer Pop:** YOUVE BEEN STABBED?

 

 **Peter-Man:** oh yeah definitely

 

 **Peter-Man:** heyyy i see mr starkk

 

 **Peter-Man:** uh ohh he looks angry

  


_[the starks]_

___[3:45pm]_

 

 **Sony Ttark:** Hey Peter, May just called and told me you were up

 

 **Sony Ttark:** How are you feeling?

 

 **Peter-Man:** my brain is jello, and god is an eight year old boy trying to eat it with a fork

 

 **Peeper:** Do I even want to ask?

 

 **(War)shing Machine:** Remind me again why I associate with you kid?

 

 **Peter-Man:** y’all love me dont even try to deny it

 

 **Sony Ttark:** I mean he’s not wrong


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so the first part is literally a word for word conversation I had with my cousin last week, and was kind of also the inspiration for this entire thing.

_[the spiderman fan club]_

_[1:34pm]_

 

 **Peter-Man:** ASFKINSNDHSJDM

 

 **Peter-Man:** I AM ACTUALLY GOING TO YEET MYSELF OFF THE BROOKLYN BRIDGE

 

 **Peter-Man:** THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE

 

 **Bichelle:** what did you do this time?

 

 **IAmLiberian:** oh shit this is gonna be good

 

 **Peter-Man:** IM IN ENGLISH CLASS ANDTHE BOY WHO SITS BEHIND ME TOLD ME MY OUTFIT WAS CUTE

 

 **Peter-Man:** AND I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO RESPOND TO THAT

 

 **Peter-Man:** SO I PANICKED AND TOLD HIM

 

 **Peter-Man: ‘** that’s not very cash money of you’

 

 **Peter-Man:** AND NOW HE WONT MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH ME

 

 **Peter-Man:** HHHNNNGGGGGSHHF

 

 **Nud:** peter, i mean this in the nicest way possible

 

 **Nud:** what the actual fuck

 

 **Peter-Man:** I DONT KNOW I FROZE AND THAT WAS THE FIRST THING THAT CAME TO MY MIND

 

 **Peter-Man:** OH SH IT IM PRETTY SURE THE GIRL SITTING NEXT TO ME HEARD ME SAY THAT

 

 **Peter-Man:** HER AND HER FRIENDS ARE LAUGHING AT SOMETHING

 

 **Peter-Man:** ABORT MISSION

 

 **Bichelle:** god i dont even know how to respond to that

 

 **IAmLiberian:** i do

 

 **IAmLiberian:** peter you’re a dumbass

 

 **Peter-Man:** i   k n o w

  


_[Sony Ttark]_

_[11:36pm]_

 

 **Peter-Man:** ok so

 

 **Peter-Man:** totally random and rhetorical question here but

 

 **Peter-Man:** can i put the suit through the wash?

 

 **Sony Ttark:** What?

 

 **Peter-Man:** the spiderman suit

 

 **Peter-Man:** can i put it through the wash?

 

 **Sony Ttark:** I’m just going to glaze over the fact that you actually just asked if you can put the multi-million dollar suit I built you into your shitty washer and dryer, and instead ask you why you deemed it necessary to bring this topic to light

 

 **Sony Ttark:** Spill kid

 

 **Peter-Man:** umm well

 

 **Peter-Man:** today during patrol i stopped this small mexican joint from being robbed, and as a thank you the owner gave me this GIGANTIC box of tacos

 

 **Peter-Man:** and for some i thought it would be a good idea to swing and eat at the same time

 

 **Peter-Man:** but it wasn’t and I ended up getting taco all over my suit

 

 **Peter-Man:** now theres a big grease stain on the chest and i smell vaguely of salsa

 

 **Sony Ttark:** Christ it’s always something with you isn’t it?

 

 **Sony Ttark:** Ok bring it with when you come to the tower on Saturday and I’ll get it cleaned up

 

 **Peter-Pan:** ooohoohh do you have like a fancy machine or tool that you use to wash everyone’s suits???

 

 **Sony Ttark:** Yes, it’s called a tide pen and it does wonders

  



	6. Chapter 6

_[the spiderman fan club]_

_[7:26pm]_

 

 **Peter-Man:** i got called gay today in walmart

 

 **Nud:** what??? why???

 

 **IAmLiberian:** what happened?

 

 **Peter-Man:** i got called gay

 

 **Peter-Man:** while in walmart

 

 **Nud:** but WHY

 

 **Peter-Man:** i was being gay

 

 **IAmLiberian:** in walmart? 

 

 **Peter-Man:** yeah it was in walmart

 

 **Bichelle:** peter you literally have a girlfriend

 

 **Peter-Man:** oh

 

 **Peter-Man:** yeah thats right

 

 **Peter-Man:** THIS IS BI ERASURE

 

 **Bichelle:** jesus christ

 

_[Peeper]_

_[2:45pm]_

 

 **Peeper:** Why did I just hear a crash come from the lab?

 

 **Peeper:** What are you two doing down there?

 

 **Peter-Man:** mr stark got bored so i suggested we play uno

 

 **Peter-Man:** and it was going well for a while

 

 **Peter-Man:** but you never told me he was such a sore loser

 

 **Peeper:** Ok but that doesn’t answer my question about the crash

 

 **Peter-Man:** oh right

 

 **Peter-Man:** mr stark got angry and threw a wrench into the wall and knocked over a shelf

 

 **Peter-Man:** now there’s bolts and shit everywhere

 

 **Peeper:** For the love of god

 

 **Peeper:** You’re both grounded

 

 **Peter-Man:** damn all this over a draw four card

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clear up some confusion from the last few chapters, IAmLiberian is Shuri. I’m hoping this chapter makes that a tad more obvious!

_[the spiderman fanclub]_

_[4:57pm]_

 

 _IAmLiberian changed Peter-Man’s name to_ **_dumbass #1_ **

 

 **dumbass #1:** shuri

 

 _IAmLiberian changed Nud’s name to_ **dumbass #2**

 

 **dumbass #2:** wtf what did i do

 

IAmLiberian changed Bichelle’s name to **not a dumbass but i have a point to prove**

 

 **not a dumbass but i have a point to prove:** well that’s bit wordy for my taste but go off

 

 _IAmLiberian changed her name to_ **_the only intelligent person in this chat_ **

 

 **dumbass #2:** im so confused

 

 **dumbass #1:** im more offended than anything else

 

 **the only intelligent person in this chat:** ok so ive come to a conclusion

 

 **dumbass #2:** wonder what that could be

 

 **not a dumbass but i have a point to prove:** i dont think sassing the princess of wakanda is in your best interest right now ned

 

 **dumbass #2:** ok fair point

 

 **the only intelligent person in this chat:** BACK TO MY CONCLUSSION

 

 **the only intelligent person in this chat:** now answer me honestly

 

 **the only intelligent person in this chat:** is it true your guys entire decathlon team somehow managed to get stuck in an elevator for 2 hours???

 

 **dumbass #1:** where do you ever get this information?

 

 **dumbass #2:** i think she stalks us

 

 **the only intelligent person in this chat:** ANSWER THE QUESTION

 

 **not a dumbass but i have a point to prove:** yes, and it was completely peters fault

 

 **dumbass #1:** MJ

 

 **dumbass #2:** wow she didnt even hesitate to throw you under that bus

 

 **the only intelligent person in this chat:** jesus christ parker

 

 **the only intelligent person in this chat:** i know youve gotten yourself into some weird shit in the past but this just might take the cake

 

 **dumbass #1:** IT WASNT TECHNICALLY MY FAULT

 

 **the only intelligent person in this chat:** explain

 

 **dumbass #1:** well

 

 **dumbass #1:** our whole decathalon team got a tour of avengers tower (bcuz mr stark hates me) and i may or may not have pissed off clint because i pretended not to know him

 

 **dumbass #1:** so because he’s a salty bitch he jammed the elevator until i admitted to knowing him

 

 **dumbass #1:** but then the elevator wouldn’t become un-jammed so we had to call maintenance and it took then two hours to get us out

 

 **the only intelligent person in this chat:** well that’s definitely going on my peter parker shit list

 

 **dumbass #1:** im sorry your WHAT

 

 **not a dumbass but i have a point to prove:** shuri im offended why have you never shared this with me before

 

 **dumbass #2:** picture pls

 

 **the only intelligent person in this chat:** _[petersshitlist.png]_

 

**_dumb shit peter has done_ **

_-got himself bitten by a radioactive spider_

_-fought captain america with no plan of attack_

_-crashed a MOTHERFUCKING plane_

_-attempted to steal natasha's doritos_

_-drink so much caffeine his pee turned green_

_-got his hand stuck in a vending machine_

_-got his face beaten in with a crowbar_

_-embarrassed himself in front of cute boy_

_-got called gay in walmart_

_-pissed off clint and got his whole team stuck in an elevator_

 

 **the only intelligent person in this chat:** all nice and updated

 

 **dumbass #1:** this is a person attack

 

 **dumbass #1:** why dont you have one for ned?

 

 **the only intelligent person in this chat:** oh i do

 

 **dumbass #2:** what

 

 **the only intelligent person in this chat:** _[nedsshitlist.png]_

 

**_dumb shit ned has done_ **

_-became friends with peter parker_

 

 **dumbass #2:** oh thank god that could have been so much worse

 

 **dumbass #1:** i i hngfhsbs

 

 **not a dumbass but i have a point to prove:** i think you killed him

 

 **dumbass #2:** oof press f to pay respect

 

 **the only intelligent person in this chat:** f

 

 **not a dumbass but i have a point to prove:** f

  
**dumbass #1:** fhfnsbdjr


	8. Chapter 8

_ [Sony Ttark] _

_ [12:23am] _

 

**Peter-Man:** mr stark 

 

**Peter-Man:** mr starkkk

 

**Peter-Man:** mr starkkkkkkkkk

 

**Peter-Man:** MR STARKKK

 

**Peter-Man:** TONY 

 

**Peter-Man:** TONNYYYY

 

**Peter-Man:** DAD

 

**Sony Ttark:** Oh my god Peter

 

**Sony Ttark:** What could possibly be so important that you’re texting me at midnight 

 

**Sony Ttark:** If you’re bleeding out in a ditch somewhere I’m going to be so pissed 

 

**Peter-Man:** yay you responded 

 

**Peter-Man:** im not dying i promise 

 

**Sony Ttark:** Then what on earth is so urgent 

 

**Peter-Man:** well now i just feel kind of stupid 

 

**Sony Ttark:** Spit it out 

 

**Peter-Man:** may canceled our netflix account so i was wondering if i could have the password to yours

 

**Peter-Man:** please mr stark i was so close to finishing the office

 

**Sony Ttark:** Christ ok give me one minute 

 

**Sony Ttark:** Just so you know I’m changing the password so don’t try to hack into any of my other stuff with it 

 

**Peter-Man:** omg thank you so much mr stark 

 

**Sony Ttark:** Yeah don’t sweat it kid 

 

**Sony Ttark:** But if I find out you’re spending more time watching movies then you are studying I’m kicking you out 

 

**Peter-Man:** fair enough 

 

**Sony Ttark:** Ok the email is AnthonyEStark@starkindustries.com and the password is peterisalittlebitch 

 

**Sony Ttark:** I even made you your own profile and everything 

 

**Peter-Man:** im grateful enough that i will ignore the fact that you called me a little bitch 

 

**Sony Ttark:** Ok now go watch your weird show and let me work 

 

**Peter-Man:** will do 

  
  


_ [Sony Ttark] _

_ [4:13am]  _

 

**Sony Ttark:** Peter 

 

**Sony Ttark:** Why have you been watching the same show for the past 4 hours 

 

**Peter-Man:** let me LIVE 

 

**Sony Ttark:** I’m changing the password again 

 

**Peter-Man:** wait no

  
  



	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the radio silence. Hope this makes up for it!

_ [(War)shing Machine] _

_ [5:45pm] _

  
  


**Peter-Man:** rhODEY

 

**Peter-Man:** ASSISTANCES IS NEEDED

 

**(War)shing Machine:** What? Where are you? 

 

**Peter-Man:** LAB

 

**Peter-Man:** WITH MR STARK 

 

**Peter-Man:** PLEASE HURRY 

 

**(War)shing Machine:** Ok I’m on my way. Are you or Tony hurt? 

 

**Peter-Man:** PHYSICALLY NO

 

**Peter-Man:** BUT MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY YES

 

**(War)shing Machine:** Christ I’ll be there in a minute 

 

**(War)shing Machine:** What exactly happened? 

 

**Peter-Man:** UM 

 

**Peter-Man:** WELL I WAS TESTING OUT NEW WEB FLUIDS WHEN I ACCIDENTALLY MIXED TWO WRONG CHEMICALS AND IT EXPLODED 

 

**Peter-Man:** AND NOW ME AND MR STARK ARE STUCK TO THE CEILING

 

**(War)shing Machine:** Omfg I need a picture of this 

 

**Peter-Man:** NO 

 

**Peter-Man:** BETRAYAL 

  
  


_ [the starks] _

_ [6:23pm]  _

 

**(War)shing Machine:** _ [compromisingposition.png] _

 

**(War)shing Machine:** For your viewing pleasure 

 

**Sony Ttark:** This is cyber bullying

 

**Peeper:** Lmao this is getting framed 

 

**Peeper:** I’m thinking it’ll look great on the mantle

 

**Peter-Man:** What even is my life 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops I forgot this story existed

_ [Nud] _

_ [6:48pm]  _

 

**Nud:** dude

 

**Nud:** where are you? 

 

**Nud:** it’s movie night 

 

**Nud:** michelle’s getting antsy 

 

**Peter-Man:** uhh im going to be a little late 

 

**Nud:** wait why?

 

**Peter-Man:** well uh 

 

**Peter-Man:** i may or may not have

 

**Peter-Man:** gotten kidnapped

 

**Nud:** ??????????

 

**Nud:** EXCUSE??????

 

**Peter-Man:** DONT PANIC 

 

**Peter-Man:** I HAVE EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL 

 

**Nud:** UNDER CONTROL???? 

 

**Nud:** YOUVE BEEN KIDNAPPED 

 

**Nud:** IM CALLING MR STARK 

 

**Peter-Man:** NED NO 

  
  


_ [Sony Ttark] _

_ [6:58pm]  _

 

**Sony Ttark:** PETER 

 

**Sony Ttark:** WHY DID FRED JUST CALL ME AND TELL ME YOU WERE KIDNAPPED 

 

**Peter-Man:** MR STARK I CAN EXPLAIN 

 

**Sony Ttark:** WHERE ARE YOU???

 

**Sony Ttark:** WHY DOES THE TRACKER SAY YOURE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN???

 

**Peter-Man:** uhh im on a boat??

 

**Peter-Man:** i think

 

**Sony Ttark:** give me five minutes 

 

**Peter-Man:** wait NO 

 

**Peter-Man:** IVE BEEN TRACKING THIS DRUG RING FOR MONTHS AND THEY’RE FINALLY REVEALING ALL THEIR SECRETS TO ME

 

**Sont Ttark:** IM NOT LEAVING YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING ATLANIC OCEAN

 

**Peter-Man:** oh shit ive got to go please dont ruin this for me mr stark 

 

**Sony Ttark:** FOUR MINUTES NOW PARKER

 

**Peter-Man:** NO

  
  


_ [the starks] _

 

**Peeper:** I cannot believe you two got water all over the living room carpet

 

**Peeper:** I just got it steam cleaned

 

**Sony Ttark:** BLAME PETER, he’s the one who had the bright idea to jump overboard when I had a perfectly nice flying suit right there   
  


**Peter-Man:** ive been swimming since i was three mr stark

 

**Peter-Man:** i was fine

 

**Peter-Man:** even if the water was a little bit cold

 

**Sony Ttark:** Well enjoy your pneumonia  

 

**Peter-Man:** :(

  
  
  


  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I now these types of stories have been kind of over done, but me and my friends just text each other such weird shit I kind of wanted to share.


End file.
